Thank you cards

Last Saturday morning, I woke up at 6 o'clock to light streaming in through my window curtains. Minutes later I could be found in the kitchen rolling out the dough for stickie buns that I was making for my graduation party that day. A few months ago graduation wasn't even on my mind, let alone grad parties. So when a dear friend of mine brought up the idea of hosting a party together, I didn't really know how I felt about this whole grad party thing. Sure, I was happy to throw a party with this friend, but in my experience, grad parties could be kind of awkward affairs. But who knows, I thought to myself, maybe hosting a grad party will be different. 

And it was. Six thirty in the morning saw me sliding pans of sticky buns into the oven. By eight the kitchen and yard were all a jumble as the quiche was thrown together, tables set up, flowers arranged. All the while I was a little nervous for the party. After all, I'm not the biggest talker of all my friends and I had a feeling that I was going to explain my gap year to a lot of people. I also didn't have a sense for how many people would show up. Did we have enough food? Did we have too much? Will it rain or will the whether hold up?

Somehow, ten o'clock rolled around and some people showed up. Eleven rolled around and there were even more people. By twelve there was quite a crowd. I spent my time floating around, greeting people, hugging old friends, smiling. Although I was pretty tired by the last half hour, I sincerely enjoyed myself.

Why was it fun? Well, despite the fact that it constantly threatened to rain, I constantly answered the same questions, and I wasn't able to indulge in the bubble blowing with my friends, I enjoyed getting to see and talk to the people that I care about, and who, I have reason to believe, care about me.

Time after time I saw some dear old friend walk in. Time after time I was absolutely thrilled to see that they had made it. My coaches were there. My theatre people were there. Many of the adults who watched me grow up were there. And yes, not everyone was able to come; my extended family lives out of state, other friends were out of town. Regardless of whether or not they were there, I suddenly became aware of the number of people that I cared about.

Sometime throughout the day, this party became less about celebrating my graduation and more about spending time with people I truly care about--the people that have contributed their vibrancy, support, and love to my life. And while I am thankful for the cards and the gifts that were given to me yesterday (and I promise, guys, thank you cards are coming) I am most thankful for the reminder that I have good people in my life.

Saturday that old phrase about it taking a village to raise a child came to mind. And yes, it appears that a village has been in my life all this time. From my family to the honorary members of my family who watched--and helped--me grow up. From my friends who inspire me on a daily basis to my teachers and coaches who have pushed me to the edge of my abilities. I can't count the number of amazing people who I count as my friends. I can only hope that you feel as lucky as I do when I think of my loved ones.

Thinking back on Saturday, my feelings are hard to articulate. The only word I can come up with is thankful. Having just been reminded that I have many beautiful and inspiring people in my life, I feel all the more thankful I have had the good fortune to know them. For who would I be without my village. Who would I be without a web of support--of love. Who would I be if I didn't have people in my life that believed in my ability to contribute to the world, in my intelligence, in my potential. Who would I be if I didn't have people who believed in me?

Well, I can tell you one thing--I sure wouldn't have the guts to leave home.

So, in a nutshell, thank you. Thanks for letting me into your lives. Thanks for helping me learn how to read, how to act, how to swim. Thanks for giving me tools, advice, and feedback. Thanks for pushing me, for challenging me, and cheering me on. Thanks for the gifts you have given me, the time you have given me, and the love you have given me.

I can only hope I have as much love to give in return.

Well, This Will Be Interesting

This blog has been at the back of my mind for several months now, and I just wanted to get something up and moving. 

(Also...There's a little voice inside of me that's really hung up on the fact that this is my First Blog Post, and that there is Lots of Pressure to Get It Right. But it'll take a little while for me to figure out this blogging thing...so, yeah...)

-     -     -     -     -

Well, this will be interesting. 

As of June 6th, I am a highschool graduate. I've even got the diploma to prove it. 

It's strange to think that I've graduated from high school. For literally 99% of my life, the sort of people who were high school graduates were older than me. Now, I, somehow, have joined that group. One definition of my life has been irreversibly changed. Now I am no longer in high school. 

...When did that happen?
More importantly, HOW did that happen?

I'm not sure. But it has happened. I've graduated. No going back. Now, I just need to stride confidently forward into What Happens Next...which is a little complicated for me.

Let me explain. 

Most of my peers are going to spend the summer working before heading off to the "next chapter of their lives" (as so many of us are heard to say). They are going to college. 

I, too, will go to my dream school (which I never really thought would happen, because college was also always something that people older, more mature, more knowledgable than me did. I was never going to get to that point in my life when I was in college, cuz I just never reached that category of people. But it happened. Again, without my noticing.) But not yet. Not come August 2013. 

Come August 2014, yes, I'll go back to school. But not before. 

So what happens in between late summer of 2013 and late summer of 2014? I hear you cry. 

Oh, I thought you'd never ask. 

I'm taking a gap year.

Now before you get any strange ideas in your head let me clarify some things:

• No, I'm not taking a gap year because I didn't apply to/get into any schools. As I said already, I'm going to go to my dream school. I'm so unbelievably excited about it. It's just that I deferred for a year and will spend that year going on even more interesting and exciting adventures.
• I'm not planning to "find myself" while I'm gone. I'm just hoping to learn some stuff about the world and where I find myself in it. 
• And yes, there are days when I wonder why I didn't just do the easy thing and go straight to college. But I do know for a fact that this experience will be so enriching that it's worth all the nerves. 
• I am terrified (and excited, but right now, mostly just very nervous)

But don't worry, I'm not leaving you all behind completely. I plan to post blogs as often as I can manage---but I'm not going to put too much effort into them. Please ignore spelling/grammar/punctuation errors. There is also a plan to experiment with videos maybe once a week...but this is all new to me so if I find I don't enjoy these blogs/vlogs, I will feel no remorse in stopping them. Don't guilt trip me. 

Oh, and the title of this blog comes from the poem "Things I Didn't Know I Loved" by Nazim Hikmet. Read it--it's good.