This Land Is

But also I've come to realize something else.

The other day my mom sent me photos of a pumpkin pie she had made. I quickly showed them to my host family to attempting to explain pie to them. She also sent me some gorgeous pictures of autumn taking hold of the landscape in Minnesota.

You know how there are some movies or books or TV shows, where certain characters are foreigners or some from a certain country? Think Captain Picard being from France, or Dorothy and Kansas, or even Gandalf and his far away home.

And you know how they often get to talking about this country they came from, the people and the sights and the sounds. And whenever this happens, the character gets this far off look in their eyes, like a veil has dropped between them and the world around. They're transported back to the place they grew up. And they tell of exactly how the trees on the leaves looked that October, or of how the people sang late into the night one summer evening, or how the water tastes and the food smells, and the earth crunches beneath their boots in the crackling days of early spring.

And they talk this way, not because they think their country is better. (Actually I'd argue that it has nothing to do with nationalism, nothing to do with the kind of government rules that country.) It has to do with their land, with their home.

There's something about the place that you grew up. Something that pulls you back at the mere mention of a holiday, food, or place that is unique to your land. Something that resonates so in your soul that it won't let you go. Some little piece of us was formed there, some little integral piece of us.

And as much as we might learn to call other places home, as much as you might fall in love with other countries and cultures--they don't even need to be that far, just a few states, a few cities away, I think that we'll always have that little puzzle piece, that little piece of our childhood whispering quietly to us the stories of our home.

It wasn't until I was out of Minnesota for such a long time that my little puzzle piece started whispering in my ear. But it wasn't until I was out of Minnesota that I realized that I will come back.

And that Minnesota, and my home inside it, will be there for me at the end of all this.

Thanks goodness. Because I live in a beautiful place.

Jardín

So one thing that has become really clear to me in the last few weeks is that I really like parks. And that's awesome, cuz Minnesota has a bunch of really awesome parks, as (most of) you know.

Las Alemedas

When I first got here, I was actually kind of taken aback by what seemed to me to be a lack of green things in the city. And yeah. That sort of is the case. Narrow streets and tall buildings aren't exactly inviting tree lined boulevards are they?

In Madrid

But after a few days of wandering around, I realized that it was really easy to turn a corner and suddenly be surrounded by vegetation. They're these little green spots and parks tucked all around the city--and this seems to be the case in post of the places I've visited in Spain.

Good thing. They're a good way to pass the time, a good place to read. Well, before it got a little cold.

But now I'm quite sure I'll be seeking out these little green spots back home.

Beautiful Toledo (can you find the parks inside the walls?)

La Granja

A Little Askew

So a funny thing happened in the last week.

I reached my halfway point here in Spain. And it may or may not have occurred when I was in the Madrid airport, just returned from Ireland, going through Customs, and walking through the International Arrivals door, just like it did on the 30th of August way back when.

If you ever want to figure out how far you've come, just go back to the place you began. I think you'll be surprised.

I know I was.

It was strange, walking through those doors, surrounded by new friends, a million times more confident with this language I've been trying to live in, a million times more confident in this country I've been trying to live in. I was in the exact same spot I had been in several weeks before, but a lot of things had changed. I actually found myself repeating to my friends "¡Que cambio! ¡Que impresionante!"  I couldn't really articulate it any better at the time, I was just suddenly aware of exactly how far I have come since August. 

Since I had been in Spain for nearly two months, I supposed that, sure my Spanish had improved and that I had gotten some great experiences under my  belt, but I didn't really have any kind of measuring stick to hold up to divine exactly how much I'd improved, exactly how far I'd come. Arriving in the airport provided that measuring stick. 

Well, the airport, and rereading Bodas de Sangre. I mentioned in an earlier blog post that I'd be rereading it. And, I have to admit, it has been extremely fun reading passages that went over my head that I now understand completely. Well nearly completely. I'm fairly certain that I only understand it as much as I do because I've previously read it.

Now, before you get all impressed thinking that I'm all fluent or something, let me tell you that that is in no way the case. There are still moments in everyday conversation, when I think about what I'm about to try and say and my mind goes blank and my mouth gets dry and I need to dredge up every ounce of confidence I have to open my mouth and let some words fall out. Sometimes the words fall right way up, lots of times they fall a askew.

But I like to think that every day, they fall more and more upright.

GALWAY

I know, I know. It's yet ANOTHER video from Ireland. And I didn't even talk in this one.

It's just that I had all this footage, that was sooo pretty and I wanted to do something with it. And even though I spent all week trying to think of something other than "put music to the pretty pictures" I didn't have much success, and the script I did write didn't really fit with it...so....sorry guys.

I do promise that I will write an actual blog post tomorrow though. It's happening. It's already half written. No I mean it. It actually is. Okay, maybe I've only written a sixth of it....but at least I've started it, right?

In the mean time, I figured I could show you around Galway where I spent four days wandering around with friends. It's kind of a beautiful place, and I hope I show that here.

Travelers

The purple door swung shut behind me, and my friend nearly ran into me as I stopped in my tracks. Morgan was standing at the reception counter. I hadn't expected to ever see her again. She was dressed in her punk rock ensemble that I had come to recognize in the last 24 hours. I thought she had got on a bus to Cork, but here she was, half a day later, standing in our hostel again.

I greeted her, and she looked up, bright green headphones standing out from her black shirt and jacket. "What are you doing here?" I asked. "Weren't you headed to Cork?"

"I'm picking up my bags," she responded, "I spent the day walking all around Dublin, but I'm getting my bus now."

We talked for maybe five minutes more before saying goodbye one last time. I waved to her, wished her a safe journey and walked away from the reception desk, and away from this almost friend.

And I felt sad.

Well not sad, just not happy. I'd been meeting a lot of people in the last few days, holding conversations with them for a few minutes before parting ways, sharing a room for a night or two. It has been hard for me to wrap my head around this way of meeting people. I suppose that people who travel all the time are used to it. Maybe.

But saying hello and goodbye so many times in just a short period of time feels like it has turned my insides out.

Day one I talked with a Parisian during breakfast, and met three really awesome college students studying in Galway with whom I spent a glorious day on the Aran Islands. Days two and three saw me eating breakfast with a girl from California studying in Dublin and two girls from Atlanta studying in London. A friend of mine spent an entire bus tour talking with an Alaskan who had traveled the world, and I talked briefly with an Australian, who, too has travelled the world. I've temporarily joined a group of traveling retirees as they laughed and sang their way through Dublin. I spent a night talking with a Swede and a German in my hostel. And I've shared a room with one really sweet woman traveling for the first time overseas for 4 nights.

And I've said goodbye to these people. Sometimes without a second thought, I've waved to them as I've walked away. Sometimes it's more difficult: the woman I saw four days in a row and shared stories with, the german who seemed like a friend I could have had, the rowdy group of old friends. Their presence in my life seems more weighty. More important. Though I can't really put my finger on why. It puts me in mind of that one song from Wicked the musical. Yeah, you all know which one I'm talking about, "I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn..."

So that's part of it. But also I find it so strange, (and I know, I know, it should be so obvoius) that people travel to these cities--they come from all walks of life, they bring all their own histories, and these strangers come together for a brief moment before moving apart again. We move through the same places, see the same things, and, yet, our experiences are different.

Yesterday morning, the Swede in my dorm slipped out silently, getting a head start on the day. She'd ride the hop on hop off bus tour--something I did the day before. In Galway, my conversations with the other guests at the hostel would often sound like, "Did you go to the Cliff's yet?""Yes! I went yesterday, it's gorgeous." "Oh, really? I haven't gone yet. I'm going tomorrow." All different people, doing the same things, all different experiences.

Do you remember the moment when you realize that other human beings are just as crazy and complicated and filled up on the inside as you are?

On another bus ride, my friend turned to me and said, "Conversation is just so interesting."

"Do you mean the fact that we can open our mouths and make noises and other people understand us?" I asked, curious about what she meant.

"Well, yes. But also that we talk to strangers--talk to people who we will never see again," She said.

We give a little of our time, a little of our stories, and in return we get a little of their life. It is an exchange. Constant throughout our lifetime. I once heard a children's story about kids on trains with suitcases and every time someone new boarded the train they exchanged something in their suitcases. By the end their suitcases were full of weird and interesting things, pieces of these people they had met along the way. Sometime the people stayed on the train a long time, and sometimes they got right off. But the exchange always happened.

Aran Islands

Probably the highlight of my trip was visiting the Aran Islands. I'm sure that this will be a day that I look back on for many years and smile--even just making this video was really fun. I met a lot of wonderful people and spent a day in one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen.

Oh, and I will go back.

15 Things I Learned in Ireland

Despite having to battle a persistent cough, I was determined to enjoy my time in Ireland, rain or shine. For those of you who don't know, my ancestry almost entirely Irish, so I had always wanted to go to Ireland. I mean, I also wanted to go there because it's beautiful and has great music and just seems like a cool country filled with cool people. But my desire to visit the land where my great grandparents's great grandparents lived and breathed has always been a strong one.

So here I am, sitting in Dublin, trying to find a way to tell you about the last week in Ireland.

It has been a great week, seen some beautiful places and met some great people. And if there is one thing I've figured out, it I that I will come back.

I woke up the first morning to the sound of the fire alarm going off in the room next door to mine. After a minute or so it stopped, but it was enough to get me up and out of bed. That day I visited the Aran Islands. Probably my favorite part of the trip. The islands are beautiful, and an easy trip from Galway.

In the next days I was able to visit and explore Galway, the Burren and the Cliffs of Moher. All beautiful places.

After that I visited Dublin for a few days. Got to lay eyes on the Book of Kells and Trinity College, the Dublin Castle, plenty of Cathedrals, and several museums.

1. Some houses in Ireland still have thatched roofs. What? But they're actually really cool and last a surprisingly long time. And each thatcher has a different design they build ini their roofs to differentiate their work from others.

Source

2. Tombs dot the landscape. Well, old tombs and graveyards. Some are called wedge tombs because on end is wider than the other. The picture below I of a massive wedge tomb--the top rock wights several tons. How did they get it up there all those thousands of years ago?

3. Dublin, and Ireland in general, has a rich literary history. I sort of knew that, but I didn't realize exactly how many great writers were born on the Emerald Isle. There's an entire museum (yeah, it's on the small side, but sometimes those are the coolest museums) devoted to these writers.

4. The Aran Islands might just be one of the most beautiful places on Earth. These are three islands near Galway. The people there speak Irish there, too. The Islands are criss crossed with ruins and dramatic cliffs and picturesque stone walls. 

5. Ireland is filled with nice people. People willing to give directions, lend a helping hand, or just talk for a bit. 

6. If it looks like it will be sunny all day, bring an umbrella anyway.

7. Hostels are pretty cool places. Never in my life have I seen such a diverse group of people together in one place. If you choose the right one, you'll still be in a fairly comfortable sleeping situation, and often there's free breakfast. But the best part is the meeting people. People just passing through for a night, people staying for a while. People from all over. There is always something to talk about.

8. Book of Kells. Made sometime in the 800s, it's an illuminated manuscript of the Four Gospels. Also, these illustrations are kind of gorgeous. I can't imagine making them, even today with our good pens and helpful tools. 

9. Sheep and cows dot the landscape. Llamas are few and far between, but can be found if you know where to look. Just ask one of the locals where the Sheepcows can be found. 

10. A species of elk once roamed Ireland. The Giant Elk is indeed giant. Probably the size of a moose. They have the biggest antlers known to have graced the head of an animal. Most of the fossils are found in Irish bogs, and they are dated to be at least 7,700 years old. The skeletons are an amazing thing to see. 

11. Turkish delight is weird. Have you ever seen those boxes of turkish delight in stores and been VERY tempted to buy one just to try this treat you've only ever heard of in The Chronicles of Narnia. Welp, finally did that. Verdict? It's weird. 

12. Nearly everything in Ireland can be described as beautiful.

13. While riding a bus to visit the Cliffs of Moher, I watched three experienced travelers meet. One was from Alaska, the other Australia, the other I don't know--but he was a redhead. They talked, exchanging stories, exchanging advice. And when the bus got back, the got off together, walking in the direction of town. I'm pretty certain they were going to a pub together for the night. I guess travelers are attracted to other travelers like magnets. 

14. Guinness is interesting; cider is better. Yes, okay, I did it. Ordered a Guinness. But I was in Ireland, right? I can't not order a Guinness. 

I know, I know, this isn't Guinness. This is the cider, alright?
 I couldn't find my picture of the Guinness. 

15. How do you meet knew people? Ask them questions. Start off with "Where are you from?" or "What's your name?" and keep asking questions. (Yeah, Dad, this bit is from you, but it's something I'm still learning every day).

Six weeks later

“It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.” --Bilbo Baggins, The Lord of the Rights by J.R.R. Tolkien. 

It was week one of Spain, and I didn’t really know anyone in my program yet. Twenty students stood in a sort-of circle, no one really willing to start the conversation we were supposed to have. Our program coordinator had told us that we needed to start planning our fall breaks NOW. So, we were faced with the prospect of finding groups to travel in, with, for some of us, near strangers. I, still feeling like an outsider wasn't to thrilled about the prospect of having to navigate this situation. 

And then, on the other side of the room a blond raised her hand, "Anyone interested in going to Ireland?" She looked like she didn't really expect people to respond, as most of the students had been talking about Italy. So when I made eye contact with her and vigorously nodded my head, she smiled. Quickly, the two of us found out that two others students had already made plans to go to Ireland as well. We met up that weekend to start planning. 

So, six weeks into my time in Spain, I found myself waking up at 8 one Saturday morning to catch a bus to the metro to the airport in Madrid to board a plane to take me to Dublin. And then finally, finally, hop on a bus that would bring me to Galway for the first few days of my week in Ireland. 

My week in Ireland.

I am writing to you from a bright red couch in my hostel in Galway, Ireland. 

Um, what?

Of all the things I thought I'd do this year, of all the places I thought I'd visit, Ireland never really seemed to be a part of it. I imagined myself traveling through Spain, maybe hitting up France and Italy while I was at it, because they were so close. But through some stroke of luck I found myself in Ireland, with three other students, who had become some of my best friends in the program over the last weeks. 

Just off the plane

On the bus to Galway

Irish flowers

COW!

Visited the Arin Islands yesterday. Landscapes to beautiful to describe.

First dinner in Ireland.

Being silly

I've been here for two and a bit days so far, and have A LOT to tell you about. It'll take a while to catch up, but I'll keep working at it. 

Formulas

While planning my year I obsessed over striking the right balance between traveling to many places and staying in one place for the whole year. While it would be fun, traveling constantly and going somewhere new every week or two, I was certain that wasn't the right way to go about it. I felt like I had to stay in one place for some long amount of time, to get to know the heart and spirit of that place relatively well. (Of course, I didn't really think about the fact that it takes more than a few months to learn about a country, a city, a culture, but I hadn't thoght about that.) yet on the other hand, I didn't want to spend all year in the same city--I figured that I needed to see at least several places.

And so I picked together a number of opportunities I found, to create what I hoped would be a year that found that balance.

Now I'm not so certain if there is a balance. Now I understand fully the appeal of nonstop travel--the desire to see more places and do more things. But I also understand why anyone would choose to spend an entire year living in the same place. And a part of me want to do both of these things, despite my carefully thought out plans. (I guess I'll just need to find more time to spend abroad in the future, hm?)

This week in Ireland, will be my first taste of travel--the sort of travel that you'd imagine a twenty something experiencing. I'll keep you updated on all the adventures (and adventures is always a word that has felt weird coming out of my mouth--it's tricky, because it can mean so much when you talk about so little.)

To those of you maybe perhaps considering travel: The one thing I've definitely learned is that there is no one perfect gap year. There isn't a formula, there isn't one way to spend your year that's better than the other. People will yell you to do this and do that and there are so many options, you might always feel like you missed out of an opportunity.

But don't worry, because the opportunities you did take will be worth it. And it's not about the perfect formula for a year abroad. It's about doing what inspires you, and what scares you, and what leaves you feeling like you are closest to you than you have been before, and what leaves you open mouthed in awe at the world around us.

Corners of Segovia

Over the weekend I got a little sick, and as usual I have lost my voice during the recovery process. My classmates will remember how funny I sound when I attempt to talk when I've lost my voice. Trust me, my host brothers find it just as amusing.

While I have a long and thoughtful video all prepared--I still need to record the audio, with this voice, it's not worth it. So, this weeks video is another glimpse into the beautiful city that I've found myself in. It's gorgeous here, and there are so many things to see. There are a lot of little corners that I have yet to discover.

One thing I can't get over is the number of fountains here. They are everywhere.

I solemly swear

Okay, time to be honest.

I haven't been doing the best job of staying in Spanish while I've been here. Yeah, I stay in Spanish with my host family and manage to mostly speak Spanish with my friends here. But, I haven't done as great a job of staying of the internet as I intended to. I intended to basically never check Facebook, and to stop following my favorite YouTubers all together. But that hasn't happened. And I still find myself reading newspaper articles online, in English.

On bad days, I'd bet I stay in Spanish for at least 50% of the time. And on the good days I'd guess I'm in Spanish for 80% of the time.

From here on out, I'm going to skirt the temptation of English (oh, what a sweet, sweet language) and keep myself in Spanish as much as possible. I want to keep myself at 80% Spanish EVERY day. Read, and write in Spanish in my free time, and go out of my way to talk with my host family in their language.

Okay...I can do this...starting--now!

Life Achievement

Just finished filling up the first of my journals for this year. Managing to keep a journal for more than two days? New life achievement unlocked.

Snippets

1. Yesterday I successfully offered to take a picture of a couple in front of the historic murallas. They were Spanish couple. The fact that I initiated a conversation (albeit a brief one) in Spanish makes me strangely proud. You'd think that I'd be less impressed with myself by now, I mean, I've been having superficial exchanges with Spanish people for the last month. Yet every time I order something at a cafe or restaurant, or succeed in clearing up confusion at the pool, I find myself fist pumping quietly as I walk away.

2. I've been drinking more coffee here than I would have if I was in the states. I have started stopping by this one cafe after the pool in the mornings for some coffee and toast to get me through my classes. Yet only once have I succeeded in spilling it all over myself. Good thing I was at home and in my pajamas, so, no pasa nada.

3. Not certain if I've told everyone this, but I'm tutoring three Spanish boys in English while I'm here. The other day, the ten year old asked me why there were so many languages in the world, and why didn't everyone speak the same language, and so make a world where he had to learn English. I wasn't certain if he was actually expecting a serious answer. So I said something about how groups of people and civilizations developed separately from each other. He countered by listing off the different languages in Europe, but then stopped at Italian, because, according to him, "Italian is just Spanish but like this" and waved his hands about in a stereotypically Italian manner. I laughed.

4. One of the other boys insisted in getting up in the middle of one of our classes and serving me ice cream. Not just any ice cream. His favorite flavor, which happens to be turrón, whose closest cousin I am familiar with is nougat. Turrón is a Christmas staple in these parts. Looking forward to the days when the stores have this in abundance because it sounds quite delicious.

5. A few weeks ago I heard an American at the Thursday Market exclaim, "There foreign sweets are so fun to look at!" I silently thanked her for saying that, because I often get so concerned with being not-a-tourist, that I forget that I can look at things with the wonder of someone who is unfamiliar with a place, or a thing, or a food.

Those comforting churros just after Madrid

Living the dream as a glassblower

Bert and Ernie cookies shared with friends

One of those coffees I'm consuming in abundance

PSA

So yeah. I made a video about why certain students should definitely for sure go to Spain over the summer. My apologies if it does not pertain to you. Regular programming will return tomorrow.

Five Weeks

After I warned my host brother today that he'd better put is books in his backpack before running off, or else he'll forget to bring them to school again, he shot me a sassy look, saying, "It doesn't matter. Tomorrow's Saturday."

Tomorrow is Saturday. Yet another week has gone by. Making it a total of five weeks that have passed already. Wow.

I think I can say that I've settled down here pretty well. I've something of a schedule going. Which is a good thing and a bad thing. It means that I actually do stuff. But it also feels like my time is rapidly filling up.

A month has passed by so quickly. If I were still in high school I would have already gone to the Home Coming dance, already have been to several senior night sports games. If I was at camp, I would have already come home with yet another inspirational experience under my belt.

It's been a month rich with new experiences. And while I know that I'm not even halfway through my time here in Spain, I still feel like my time here is slipping through my hands like water. I want to explore the city more, I want more time to grow some roots here, and instead of feeling like this is a place I am visiting, I want to feel like this is a place where I am living.

And I feel like I should be traveling more because I'm in Europe and everything is closer. But then I remember that I actually AM going to travel places--trips to Ireland, Portugal, France and Italy are in various stages of planning. In fact, I leave for Ireland with three of my friends here a week from Saturday. So that's kind of exciting.

-     -     -     -     -

Now before you ask me where the video was on Thursday, I'm planning to upload one on Saturday or Sunday, ok? It's been a very busy week and it took me a while to think of what I wanted to do. 

Equilibrium

After jumping into the covered pool in Segovia this morning it occurred to me that I miss my old pool. I miss standing on the edge, looking at the water, and dreading the first frigid shock after jumping in. I miss diving in, head first, and feeling the familiar buoyancy of my body in the cold water. I miss the walls, the flags, the funny non-pattern of the tiles. I miss the familiarity of the lane lines and the positioning of the clocks. I miss the taste of the water and the height of the blocks. 

And I miss the early mornings and late nights. I miss the echoing voices of my teammates and the shouts for quiet from my coaches. I miss the pre-meet pep talks and next morning reflection. I miss looking at the day's practice and thinking "I can't do that" only to push of the wall and do it. 

There is nothing quite as meditative as swimming in the morning. And this week, my mourning swims have been absolutely glorious. I've managed to reach that point in my workouts that is the swimming equivalent of a runner's high. It's that weird balance between intense concentration and thoughtlessness. A meditative state that allows you to perform at your highest ability, yet remain completely relaxed. Your heart rate is reaching its limit, and you're exhausted, yet you're loose and buoyant in the water. And you're smiling. 

At some point in time I seem to have decided to call it "equilibrium" although I'm sure experts of the sports world have a better name for it.

Regardless, it's nice to become familiar with this sensation again, as I spent all of last year chasing it. It was a rough season, filled with low spots and negativity. The point of equilibrium eluded my during practices and during races. I don't think I have ever doubted my abilities more than I did then. I have never struggled more than I did then. 

So of course I would never trade that experience for anything. I didn't know it at the time, but the things I learned about myself and the skills I developed in the middle of my struggles are more valuable than anything I learned in my triumphs. And in a transition that is so obvious  I'm sure you all saw it coming, those skills, that knowledge, that self awareness is so important to me right now. So useful right now. And once having lost that ability to reach equilibrium in the pool, finding it again is a beautiful thing.

Even here, in Spain, during one of the scariest, most difficult, thrilling, and exciting situations I have ever put myself in, the world still stands still when I'm in the water. Just like it did during my old team's morning practices.  So tomorrow, in the pool, when I hit that sweat spot, when the world outside of the pool freezes and its just me, the water, and eternity, it will mean all the more to me. It's a reminder that I didn't come here unprepared.