This is the first time that I have sat down in front of this blog without really having planned what I wanted to write. Well, no, about a week ago I sat down and decided when I'd write about all the themes I want to write about, but what inevitably happens with that is when the day finally arrives, I don't really feel like writing about it.
Today I was hoping to write about the word "vale," and the fact that I use it about a hundred bazillion times every day. And how that usually makes me think of the verbal garbage I usually throw in with whatever I say. For me these words consist mostly of "you know," "like," and "I mean." Which I sometimes STILL find myself throwing around in the middle of my Spanish sentences. I mean, really? Are these words so ingrained in my head that I can't even shake their muscle memory when I'm talking in a different language?? I've been trying to replace them with their Spanish equivalents ("pues," "así que," "a ver"...) to some success.
But, instead of talking about that interesting topic, I open up this blog and the first thought that came to my mind was: "Ahhhhhh there's soooooo little time left." Well duh. More than two months into my time in Spain, and I look at my November only to realize that it will be my busiest month yet. I'll be somewhere that's not mi casa for every upcoming weekend in this month, and these trips will be no shorter than three days.
Basically I'm not going to stop moving this month. And I think we all know that that makes the time go faster. Also, warning, this may mean that the blogs get sparser. Or the videos get sparser....or both.
Yesterday, I felt a little bit of panic welling up inside me. I was thinking about all the things I still wanted to do, thinking about all the things I felt obligated to do, feeling pangs of jealously when some of the people I've met make impromptu trips to parts of the country that I didn't think to do but feel like I should have done. So bound up in the nows and the things I haven't yet done, I found myself repeating the things I needed reminding of back in the beginning of my time here:
It's enough that I'm here.
The biggest, scariest, strangest, and most important step I've taken all year was the one that took me away from my parents and onto the airplane. And sometimes I wonder if this gap year thing was only ever about seeing if I'd actually do it. Somedays I still look up and find myself surprised that I am actually in the middle of this year abroad, that I actually did it.
And also: Why did I come here? For the Spanish.
And I know I can rest easy knowing that the first thing isn't even a requirement that I have to meet, and the second one I've met.
As for the rest, it's just icing on the cake, baby. The friends I've made, the places I've seen. I've spent two months in Spain, surely I've learned something by now.
* EDIT: so rereading this I feel like I implied that people I've met here who have become my friends are well just icing on the cake.
What I wish I had thought to write last night was: Some people get blue frosting, others get flowers, others have sprinkles. I've gotten great friends and seen great things, none of which I could have planned for or anticipated before arriving.
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